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| So basically the past months since I have been down here have been absoluley crazy. I'm not really complaining so much, as wonder what the fuck to do! I get down here to find the "love of my life" sitting at my door step begging to let me back in. And of course I do.....I dont know what I was thinking. I mean of course I have feelings for the guy, he was my first true "love." I guess I was thinking, "Wow, he loves me, and wants me, so what if I never find another person that wants to spend the rest of their life with me, and I'll be alone?" So I jumped at the opportunity. I mean dont get me wrong, I have feelings for him, but it would be a lie to not admit that I think hes the only one that will ever want to spend their life with me. As I was thinking about all this in depth the other day, I realized wanting to be in a relationship, simply to avoid being alone, is wrong. Its not fair to you, or the other person. Who's to say I wont find somebody else, and whos to say I wont be alone the rest of my life, either way, what happens is going to happen. I just know that I'm so full of love and so caring. I always am there to lend a helping hand to whom ever needs it. I care what people think and how they feel. I was dreading having that conversation. Saying hey, we are both stupid for this right now.
I mean he has his life, and I have mine, and they are so different, and neither of us want to make the sacrifices, so its just not gonna work, and thats the bottom line. I've known him for three years so ulitmatley more than anything hes my friend. I mean you dont know somebody for three years and kick them to the curb. So I'm trying to say, hey fuck you, I just know that if we stayed together it would be a waste of both of our time. We argue all the time anyway, about stupid shit, and thats just not healthy. I need to be in a relationship where I can be my silly outgoing self, and it be ok with the other person.
I need that person to be accepting of the friends that I have and not judge me.
And ultimatley I cant have a person that I care about trying to change me to meet their standards. So I'm just moving on, and I'm not gonna lie, its not easy, but I know its best.
There will be other people, there will be other times, more times where I end up fucking up, and more times, where I do well.....and its just life.
Everybody goes through it, and it pretty much never stops, and indeffinatly I know that one day, maybe soon, maybe far in to the future, everything will work out if its mean to be. And no matter what I will be happy, because I want to be happy and I will do what I have to in orde to fufill that.
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| So marching band is finally over, which is a good thing because I really didnt like it.
Bad thing is, now symponic band has started, and ummm.....(confesion) I cant read music.
So I'm compeltly lost. So thats pretty sucky I must admit.
And as for the play..yeah thats going alright, but as it gets closer, I'm starting to get more nervous and I'm wondering what I got myself into....I never in a million years though by trying out I would get the lead role, and its just...nerve racking. I've never even been in a play before, I mean I have, but just as an extra, or backstage crew.....
And hmmmm...I think thats the main stuff thats going on.....Oh wait I lied I have a big Project due for American Government that I havent even started yet (Thats due Dec. 18th) and I have my lab reports for Chemistry that are due on the same day...so I've started my labs, but I cant finish them until we do all of our labs....which we havent yet.
And as for government, I dont have 20 newspaper articles yet about the war on terror...and I need 20 in order to make a scrap book and write a summary....wow...stressful much??
And to top that all off I have been screwing up so much latley, like I dont mean to, stuff just keeps happening. I dunno God must hate me or something, honestly if anything else goes wrong, I just might have a mental break down.
Well thats all I have for now...it felt good to vent that all out, havent done it for awhile
Love always
~LaReta Kay~
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| So marching band is finally over, which is a good thing because I really didnt like it.
Bad thing is, now symponic band has started, and ummm.....(confesion) I cant read music.
So I'm compeltly lost. So thats pretty sucky I must admit.
And as for the play..yeah thats going alright, but as it gets closer, I'm starting to get more nervous and I'm wondering what I got myself into....I never in a million years though by trying out I would get the lead role, and its just...nerve racking. I've never even been in a play before, I mean I have, but just as an extra, or backstage crew.....
And hmmmm...I think thats the main stuff thats going on.....Oh wait I lied I have a big Project due for American Government that I havent even started yet (Thats due Dec. 18th) and I have my lab reports for Chemistry that are due on the same day...so I've started my labs, but I cant finish them until we do all of our labs....which we havent yet.
And as for government, I dont have 20 newspaper articles yet about the war on terror...and I need 20 in order to make a scrap book and write a summary....wow...stressful much??
And to top that all off I have been screwing up so much latley, like I dont mean to, stuff just keeps happening. I dunno God must hate me or something, honestly if anything else goes wrong, I just might have a mental break down.
Well thats all I have for now...it felt good to vent that all out, havent done it for awhile
Love always
~LaReta Kay~
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| Apparently I had too much of it because I had to get my wisdom teeth removed yesterday.
It was so scary.
So I get there and the lady is like ok I need to put an I.V. in your arm, and I'm like ok just dont let me see you do it....because I'm like terrified of needles, well the dumb lady sticks it in, then takes back out, and I look over and I'm bleeding like crazy, and she had to do that FOUR times before she could find my flippin vien!!!!
So I'm like balling!
Then finally she gets the anestetic in there and I go to sleep and I wake up in a completly different room by my self covered up with a blanket.
And the nurse is like Ok I just wanna know that you walked here....(which I cant remember)
and I'm gonna go get your dad from the waiting room.
so yeah it was just wierd and I was totally out of it, I felt like I was really drunk and high at the same time, it was annoying. lol
anyways now I look like a chipmunk cuz my cheeks are all swollen. its just not good.
hmm well that was my eventfull day. | | |
| Gangster
I'm bored
I have nothing to talk about
Because my life is boring
And dumb
and boring.
And that pretty much wraps it up | | |
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